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FIVE HOT LATINOS YOU NEED TO KNOW

December 22, 2003 | 10:07pm

Hola, and happy Winter Solstice! Today is the shortest day of the year, Wiccans and (some) pagans celebrate the birth of their horned god born on this very special dark day. What a perfect day to celebrate my own dark (Latino) gods in Hollywood! Grab the incense, a mirror and any other magickal items you’ll need to get down on your knees and start worshiping.

 

David Fumero

Birthday: December 29, 1972
Havana, Cuba

This boy has been everywhere except in my own bed, it’s a shame really. He’s an ex-U.S. Marine who was raised in Miami. After studying at the International Actors Studio in Paris he landed a spot in Mariah Carey’s Honey video. For the past five years he’s played Christian Vega on One Life to Live.

Why David?
David makes my Latino Gay Most Wanted list because anyone who’s a model for 2(x)ist is already a gay icon. His web site also has photos with friends that are both unbelievably beautiful and obviously gay.

Eduardo Verástegui

May 21, 1974
Cd. Mante Tamaulipas, Mexico

I discovered Eduardo with my friend Omar while watching Chasing Papi. We were the only two guys in the entire theatre, and although I loved the three female leads, this guy stole the entire movie with his charm and accent alone, oh my aching heart… His most recent appearance in the media spotlight was on Karen Sisco.

Why Eduardo?
Mr. Verástegui is fucking sexy and is a papi’s papi. Eduardo’s new 2004 calendar is totally hot. If you remember just one thing about today’s blog, it would be to buy his calendar at any Borders or Warehouse Music store. Go! Go, get it! Shoo!

Rodrigo Santoro

August 22, 1975
Petrópolis, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

My favorite Christmas movie this year is Love Actually. It’s also the second link to Mariah Carey in this entry. Her song All I Want For Christmas Is You sung by a little girl in Love Actually made me cry. Although I was crying, nothing was sadder or more pathetic than the pretty woman who couldn’t lay Rodrigo’s character Karl. WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING? When he stripped down to just a pair of little black boxer briefs I got a little too excited in the theatre. Luckily it was really dark so the embarrassment of walking was not an issue for me.

Why Rodrigo?
Mr. Santoro was also the hottie surfer guy named Emmers in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. He makes the Gay Most Wanted list because he appeared on screen with both Demi Moore and Cameron Diaz simultaneously.

Al Santos

July 13, 1976
New York, New York, USA

A few years ago I was visiting a friend in NYC where I managed to sneak into his college and take his final exam. I was only fifteen at the time and there I was sitting in the same school where Mr. Santos was studying medicine. It’s a small world.

Alfredo is the only guy on my list who was actually born in the states. He’s also the only Latino I can recall who’s modeled for Ambercrombie & Fitch. Yay, for affirmative action! His Ford modeling portfolio also includes fashion shoots with Versace, Armani and Valentino.

Why Al?
His half-naked role in Jeepers Creepers is enough to qualify his thin acting résumé onto my list, but only because he’s hot and nearly naked.

Gael García Bernal

November 30, 1978
Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico

Gael is the youngest and shortest papi out these five. He was in both Y Tu Mamá También or Amores Perros. If you haven’t seen Y Tu Mamá También, you’re missing a really great wack off scene, lots of penis, plus you get to see him lock lips with a Latino twink.

Why Gael?
Gael was presenting a Best Song Nominee performer at some awards show and I could not get past how totally fucking hot he was looking right into the camera and only at me. This guy had the looks, the voice, and the charm that’s required to be on my Gay Latino Most Wanted list.

Hold these papis close to your heart. Watch them grow into beautiful Hollywood actors, singers, and models. Pray for them so all Latinos take over the world and fuck that Arizona newspaper that said, "Latinos are trendy." Who the fuck are you to say my ethnicity is fashionable? And for god sakes, go and get that calendar I was telling you about. ¡Viva la raza! ¡Qué viva!

That's the end.