WRINKLED SHIRT

September 26, 2003 12:09am

If you haven’t seen "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" what are you waiting for? Actors’ Theatre has gay nights, how cool is that? Free food and gay folk, what’s not to love?

I felt trendy. My shirt was tucked in only at the front showing off my Kenneth Cole square buckled belt. I felt hot! Plus, I had a free ticket, so the guilt of using that money to pay off my student loans was happily deferred.

I worked a little late last night but knew there would be h’our devoirs if I got there early. Theatre should be more formal than work. So I tucked in my shirt all the way around and drove down to Stage West.

I figured I could save seven dollars if I parked a few blocks away and lucky me, I worked. The neighborhood I parked in was only somewhat sketchy and there were no obvious thieves in sight.

Strolling in with my fully tucked in shirt, I headed straight to the bathroom to check myself out. A man can never fix his hair too many times, unless it involves using a spoon or knife to check your reflection.

I knew I had a few wrinkles in my shirt from the two inspections I had since work ended, but I was feeling confident and totally cute. Finding my seat was a little rough, I couldn’t find my seat number on my ticket. I squinted but moved along in line so I wouldn’t hold up the line. Suddenly an angel appeared in the form of an usher, ready to help me find my destination.

He looked at me and I looked at my ticket. He thrust a program into my hands while questioning "Program?" I just looked at him, well more like through him as if by some freak chance I could see my seat on the other side of his translucent body.

"Program, sir? They’re free? Here take it, it’s really free."

Oh, my god, he thought I was homeless.. And he felt sorry for me. Embarrassed and unconformable that I had a wrinkled shirt, I took his program and shuffled to my seat.

I had a great time though and learned that looking like you have no money is nothing to be ashamed of and has it’s rewards when walking five blocks to your car in central Phoenix at night.